I don't even know what to say... I'm exhausted. I can't sleep, I constantly think of you. What happened?
How does life change in a day? I don't know what made you accuse me of doing something I didn't do, and now that you know the truth you're mad at me because I was angry and disappointed? Have I not always been completely honest? Have I not shared everything you wanted to know? Do you not love me? Did I make you feel like I don't love you?
I don't know what to do. I try to communicate... I can't work on these problems if you don't want to communicate. I'm always willing to work on anything that's worth working on, you know that. I've apologised, I'm not mad at you. Now you have to decide if you wanna fix this. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Maybe oneday you will write a song about it instead? And I won't even be able to ignore it because you're one of the top five female artists in the country and almost every record you release is a hit. So I will end up hearing it even if I didn't want to. Maybe I'll even like it? Or maybe there will be no record and we can just talk things out. We both know what we want to achieve in our lives and what we want to do in the next five years. A lot of it is the same and can't be done with a single person.
I wanna work together on everything we want. We're unconventional, so communication is even more important than usual. I'll wait for you to decide if you wanna make things work, until then I'm working on myself. There's a lot that I can do on my own so I'll get that done so long... I wrote all of this directly to you, not for anyone else. I could have called to texed you but I chose this instead, and I feel to drained to communicate any other way right now. Replace the words with my name and read the whole chapter, you know what I'm talking about. How much of it is true and how much is false? Neither if us would feel the way we do if we didn't care deeply about each other.
I feel like playing the guitar, for some reason I wanna play How to save a life by The Fray. It's one of my favorite songs to play on guitar, maybe I'll get out of bed just now and play for a bit. I can't focus on anything anymore. I may start turning my phone off sometimes so I can reset and clear my mind. I feel like I need to take a day off and just do nothing. I wanna go on holiday. I wanna go to the KZN south coast, I love the little towns on the coast. But I can't because of the Corona virus. That kinda sucks... I writing this on my phone and I don't feel like typing anymore so I'm gonna stop...
Hope you have a good night's rest, or a good day if you read this some other time.