I'm human. I do a lot of things wrong but one of them that I constantly do is not think before I speak or type, and sometimes the things I say are meant to be jokes but to everyone else there not. And everyone else is right. I thank them for calling me out on this and I will be consciously trying to never do it again.

The below conversation is one I had this evening. I don't know why I said what I said or how the thought even came into my mind. I'm not this person, if you're reading this you know this and you're probably shocked. But you also know that I always try to be transparent and open, hopefully this will help someone who is like me.

The conversation went something like this:


Super cool person: What would you prepare for me?

Me: Seafood pasta, then I'll eat you for desert

Super cool person: Okay this doesn't sound right at all

Me: [Apologising, etc]


And that was part the last conversation (yes I spelled dessert wrong) we had, and ever will have.

Side note: I've recently got out of a 2.5 year relationship and we had promised each other we would wait for each other until we were married. I guess that was harder for me since I'm not a virgin and maybe subconsciously I was frustrated because I need sex. This relationship had taught me that, and how sex is an important part of a relationship for me. I didn't ever cheat though (even in past relationships) and I'm proud of that. Now that I'm single again I'm trying really hard to not be a whore and it's really hard to not do that in my hometown since everyone is literally a phone call away and everything is so close. So far I haven't done anything stupid but there's always temptations at home, I need to get out of here soon.

If I'm being completely honest, I'd have to admit that I like her (the person I chatted to). It may not make sense to some people but you can develop feelings for people you haven't met. I think I lost someone who would have been a great friend, and that sucks. I hate that I develop feelings so easily when I'm single but I can't change it, it's who I am. I guess the only thing I can try to do is maybe practice mindfulness and be more aware of how I'm feeling and what I say and do. Or maybe I need to join Pharaohs or Club Rome? Until then, I'll just try to keep social media usage minimal and not chat to anyone I haven't met.

Got any advice? Email me, tell me what you think.