It's 11:29 PM, I just reached over the side of the bed to turn off the electric blanket. It's hot in here, I shouldn't have left it on for more than fifteen minutes.

I'm sleepy. I didn't feel too good so I took today off and rested. I still don't feel great but I'm much better. I'm thinking of starting a dry fast a midnight for the next two days and then transitioning into a water fast, or just water fasting for a few days. I feel a little sluggish, I don't know why. I've been feeling a little sad yesterday and today, but not like depressed. Just a little down. I feel happier now. I wanna make something cool and creative this weekend but I don't know what. Maybe I'll just look up crafts and stuff on YouTube.

My Takealot order is delayed by three weeks because of the USB cables I ordered for my phone. This means I also have to wait for my masks and scale. This is one of the reasons I don't like drop shipping. I would rather pay more if a company keeps stock and ships from their own warehouses but South Africa is a million years behind when it comes to eCommerce. It's midnight in 20 minutes, I wonder if I should have a glass of Stoney and a few Pringles. I'm not going to exercise while I fast, don't wanna end up hurting myself. Perhaps I should start a YouTube channel to document my weight loss. My goal is to get back to 65kgs. I don't even know how much I weigh right now...

I've decided that I won't drink any alcohol until I reach my weight goal. This is going to be interesting... Why is there a zero version of almost every beer except Black Label? Wait they made a Blue Lable, right? Does it have alcohol in? Hmm... I may have to just settle for Bavaria. Anyway, alcohol shouldn't be that important. Maybe I must smoke lots after I fast? I wonder if that will aid my weight loss?

I wonder what it would be like to live in a different country right now. Would I be feeling cold? Would I fear being killed by the cops? Would I be able to go places? I like to imagine things, it kees me from going insane. Or maybe I imagine things because I am insane?

I feel like the next five days are gonna be really challenging for me. I've been spending a bit of time each day working on myself but I sometimes struggle to concentrate. My emotions often get the better of me. I need to find a way to focus better and dig deeper in those moments and return to any feelings at a later stage. I have been making progress though.

Yesterday I went to fetch my groceries and one of out security gaurds asked me if I had an old phone. He had been robbed while walking to work on one of the mornings during the week. I don't have any other phones but I managed to help him get a new one, I'm glad I could. I like him. He always greets and is very respectful. He's older than all our other security. Sometimes when I see him I wonder what his family is like. I think he probably has a really nice family. I wanna be more like him. I doubt that he's rich or even comfortable financially but he always seems happy and never complains. Even when I can see that he's tired from working twelve hours everyday he's still polite. What a guy! What a true leader! Also, how messed up is it that a security guard would get robbed. I think I'm gonna get him a good knife too...

Last week when I went to fetch my groceries I couln't get back in. They were busy making some changes in the biometric software. They de-activated my access on the old apartment I used to live in with Siya last year and it somehow de-activated access for my current apartment. So they just turned it back on because they couldn't figure out how to get it working. I think it's an engineering problem, not configuration. The developers who wrote the software probably didn't account for someone moving to a different unit or returning to another unit in the same estate. Well, at least now they know and they can patch the bug. It's weird how sometimes things just happen at the right moment. If I didn't go out at that time last week I probably wouldn't have been able to get out of the estate on my own. I'm not complaining though, I'd rather have strict security and access control.

It's Father's Day this month, right? I wonder what socks are available. Just kidding... I wonder what I should get him? I'm not sure. I can't wait until I'm a father, it's gonna be so cool. I'm already up every night so I guess I'll volunteer to do the nightly duties. But that's still a couple of years from now. I first need to get married, and with the way things are going now who knows if that will ever happen. Maybe I can adopt? But I don't wanna adopt kids and then have their biological parents want them back. That would suck for all parties involved.

Oh, it's 12:19 Am! I guess my fast started nineteen minutes ago. I can't wait to be healthy like I used to be. Both physically and mentally. I haven't been very healthy for a long time, mostly because life happened. But I'm still here, I survived everything. I can't wait for Fallen Heroes to open again, there's some tattoos I've designed for my left arm and also some ifeas I have. They're probably gonna be fully booked as soon as they open. I also wanna pierce my ears, I've wanted to since I was in school. I wanna pierce my ears and then stretch my lobes a bit, but not too much. I want plugs that are small enough that you only notice from a close distance.

I'm gonna spend some time thinking and then go sleep. To anyone reading this, I hope you have an awesome Friday! Make the most of it. God bless you and don't forget to pray.