Wassup, readers? It's 00:08 and I'm listening to music while laying in bed. I feel a little hungry, maybe I should eat again?
What is going on in my life? Am I supposed to be single? I try to communicate but I get no response. Am I a bad person? How do I become better? Or do I accept that I'll do life on my own for the next few years and then maybe decide that I like it that way? I'm confused. A female will want you to respect them but when you do you have to be perfect and can never make mistakes? Then they don't talk you and either come back and pretend that nothing went wrong or don't come back at all? If I tweeted that I'f get dragged by people who have no context of my own situation. Everybody always wants a say, I'm guilty of this too. But I won't pretend that I'm flawless. I also don't play games. I don't do things intentionally to chase people away because I'm not a coward. If I don't want someone around I tell them. I'm not saying anyone is a coward...
The only thing that seems well organised right now is work. Maybe I should be like those crazy people who manage personal relationships like they manage business? Like, schedule fucking phone calls and limit conversations. Start "firing" people when they do something "wrong". I won't do this, I like things to be natural. People do strange stuff, some of it is a little disturbing to be honest... If you're someone reading this and you relate to this but not from my point of view, sorry to be the trigger. Wanna change my view? Maybe try discussing it with me.
Fuck. I was laying in bed a few hours and thinking... Whenever I'm single and have no romantic interests things go pretty well. Why? Am I bad at relationships? Am I not man enough? Do I not treat women the way they wanna be treated? I don't know... Is it worth it to get into a relationship if I'm gonna struggle again? Is it worth it being in a relationship with someone who can't support me when I'm at a level higher than they were when they were at their lowest? Is it worth it being with someone who doesn't love me? The answer is no to all these questions, and of course the questions are hypothetical because I have no partner.
I can't sleep even after drinking beer. This insomnia is getting bad. It could be worse though. I'm still hungry, I may go cook just now. Maybe I should smoke a joint? But I don't wanna go outside. I asked my friend to go buy a set of dumbells and a ez bar for me today. He phoned Game, Makro and Mr Price Sport and none of them have stock even though they have advertised the product. Game even has it advertised as a special. All the second hand equipent on Gumtree or OLX is priced higher than new products. It's almost impossible to get the stuff I want. I wonder if Cash Converters will have anything? I hate buying from second hand stores and pawn shops because they rip people off.
The posts I'm seeing in social media are disturbing. So many people prefer cheap thrills instead of solid relationships. Imagine letting all those spirits inside of you, I say this from experience. Hectic. I have my last beer in the fridge. I'm either gonna get lots more or no more at all. I always used to think people who are alcoholics can't control themselves, now I think that they actually use alcohol to control themselves. Because if they don't they will go crazy. I use alcohol to fall asleep, I'm not proud of it but it mostly works. I don't even know how I manage to work everyday and hardly sleep. Maybe my body is just used to it.
I don't know what else to say. Be real, don't play games. If you're Christian know what's in the Bible before you quote the Bible. Speak things into existence in other people's lives at your own risk. If you love God don't just say it, act like you do. Think. Do what's best for you in the long run. If you decide not to do it now, don't ever come back to it years from now. Doing this will disruot good things and people's lives. Don't do stupid stuff that you will regret. Love your self fully or you will never love someone else unconditionally. Treat people how you wanna be treated. Fix things while they can be fixed. Trust. Respect. Love. Cherish. Help. Accept. Honor. Question. Enjoy. Bye, now.