It's 10:43 PM. I just got off a 45 minute call with a good friend of more than 15 uears. Now I'm laying in bed listening to music and chatting to her, and at the same time praying as hard as I can that she will feel better and not do anything crazy... Life is so different for all of us and I often forget this.

I love that I can have strong platonic friendships with the opposite gender without things being weird, not everyone has that. I wish I understood what everyone goes through but I don't think I could handle it. It's so messed up that life can't be good to everyone all the time. Like, we're still all paying for a sin that happened in the garden of Eden and have to live lives that are almost impossible to live to please God, and at the same time try to be what our definition of success is. I sympathise with anyone who feels like they want to die. I'm so grateful that I live in a much better place now than I've ever lived and I'm surrounded by really smart people who challenge me constantly to become better and keep learning. I don't ever wanna live in piverty again and I hope that I'm never heartbroken because of a romantic relationship again.

Angelos & Daemones by Sound Quell is playing through my headphones. I'm a bit hungry but I don't wanna leave the warmth of my bed and I also don't wanna gain the weight I've lost. I've felt fresh in the morning and drained in the evening both yeaterday and today, that's always a good sign because it means lots was done. We are close to the framework upgrade we've been working on for the past few weeks and there is just one section of tests that need to pass before all tests are passing in our continuous integration tool and we can deploy the update to staging and do extensive QA testing like we always do. This feels goos and lots of flakeyness in our test suit has been fixed as well as improvements in other areas and reduction of technical debt. It's nice to work in pairs to get stuff done faster and do this kind of upgrade because it exposes you to the entire codebase. Feature tests are a bitch though, they're causing so many weird issues on our development machines and they take so long to run. I'm glad that it's the end of the week tomorrow, I'm looking forward to it. I started watching Black Mirror last weekend, I've been meaning to watch the series for about two years but haven't gotten around to doing it, I wanna continue tomorrow.

Yesterday I made the best vegan butternut soup ever, almost as good as the one Lisa used to make when I still lived in Pmb. I also had a really nice vegan burger for lunch the day before, when I was done I didn't feel bloated or like I had eaten too much and it tates just as good as meat. I need to get more fruit and vegetables but I'm too busy during the week. I'm also loving my blender and how quick and easy it is to make smoothies. I wanna start making my own bread next month, I haven't done that in a long time.

This weekend I wanna carry on writing some technical blog posts I started a while ago but I don't wanna post them on here. Maybe on dev.to? I also wanna do some more reaearch on soft drugs, I think there may be opportunities for tech companies to operate in this space in countries like Holland. I've been spending a lot of my mornings and evenings thinking deeply, praying and fighting my past and current daemons as I usually have to in order to grow. Except for Pinterest I'm pretty much done with social media. I can't belived that I onced loved it and even did community management, now I just don't like what social media has become and the way that the big companies use user data. I'm lucky to be part of the generation who only had social media as an adult so its easy for me to walk away whenever I want to. It must be scary for younger people to do this since its the norm for them. It's probably even more difficult for them to go off the grid completely and do deep work. I wonder how it would affect them psychologically and whether there would be any anxiety or stress? I'm so glad I'm part of the last generation that was still somewhat old school. It's like we get the best of both worlds and have the ability and discipline to choose which world we wanna be part of and when. Everything is the world just gets more scary when you start questioning and researching.

I should probably go to sleep now, I don't know how much longer I can keep my eyes open for. Have an awesome day/night. Stay safe, wear your masks. Be nice and do something everyday that will help you get where you want to be in 50 years. Sweet dreams, people!