Hello, people who read my writings on the internet! I hope your day was as awesome as mine was!

There's a bunch of stuff I wanna say and I'm not sure where to start so I'll start like I sometimes do by telling you what's going on right now. It's 7:41 PM on my laptop and phone and 7:42PM on the microwave. "Night or day, you just have your way of making me move. Clap my hands, dance it all way". Those are the lyrics playing through my headphones along with the rest of the melody and bass in No Silence - Radio Edit by Mollono.Bass and KUOKO. I'm sitting at the dining table while typing this. I feel good. I feel really good, about now and the future.

Today we spent the day remotely attending our quarterly offsite. I'm so grateful that I work for the best company in the world. We have everything that most people would want in a company but not everyone will get it because we only want people who are a 100% fit for our culture. I'm so grateful that I'm part of it, and to be part of the company at this time. We're really building something special, not just our product but in every area of business. One day we're gonna look back at this while we're all a little older and life will be different, it will be much better and we will realise how awesome this time was. We do realise it now but I think that when we sit back and remember this time in 10 years, it will always put a smile on our face. I'm smiling as I type this. I know that the projections we've made for the next three and five years are much lower than what we will achieve. If the company could 10x ARR in three years we can probably grow by around 25 times that figure in three years I think, and about 100 times in five years. It sounds ambitious and I live in my imagination a lot but how often have I predicted events incorrectly? Also, we have bigger teams and more experience now. It's great to be part of a company that is discussing current and future growth and hiring in the middle of a global pandemic instead of one that is losing money and trying to manage disaster.

Our head of product made us close our eyes as he read his vision for where he wants us to be in three years. As he spoke I could see everything crystal clear in my mind. I can see us achieving the level of growth we want and more. I'm definitely going to be working even harder from today to make that happen. We're going to make it impossible to do any sort of money laundering and at the same time grow personally, and one day when we exit and make lots of money we will go on to do other great things. I love writing software I wouldn't wanna do any other job right now but I also love infrastructure a lot and I think that I want to do more in that space in a few years once we're much bigger. I love being able to work with infrastructure and still getting to write code. I wanna be one of the best infrastructure engineers in the world. I could go on and on talking about company stuff but I'll end it there. I've done freelancing, ran my own business, worked in corporate, contracted, and in different roles and there is not a single place I'd rather work at right now or in the next 10 years. Even if I relocated in a few years, I'd wanna keep my job. I've been afraid of burning out again so I haven't been working extremely long hours and into the early mornings like I did last year, the year before and when I was in my early 20s. I think I'm gonna wake up earlier every morning and put it an extra couple of hours, I want us to reach our goals quicker and grow lots personally and the only person that can stop me is myself. I'll never stop myself.

In my personal life I still have the same goals but I think I need to sit down and make some adjustments. Right now the thing I want most is to be with the person I love but reasons I still don't fully understand we aren't communicating. I really don't like leaving bad situations unattended, it makes me feel uneasy for a long time and that affects everything I do. I'm still gonna try because I never give up on anything unless I'm clearly blocked by anything that is not in my control and should that happen I'll just channel all that energy into my work. I'm clear on my goals and what I want and I always get what I want. On the odd occasion that I don't get what I want I always end up getting better. There's always a better career, a better person, better money, better friends, etc. Many people, including myself, don't like to think about this because it's not a "good" thought and it feels like betrayal. I think about it often for no reason other than knowing what's possible and what isn't, everything else is a choice. I choose to be who I want to be with, what work I do, where I live, etc. And I'm saying this as someone who is privileged in many ways. I've also had nothing and I know that sometimes it isn't a simple choice and taking what comes your way is out of necessity, but it still is a choice. Wanna debate that with me? Have you ever ended up homeless or lost everything because you chose not to work with unethical people? Has almost everyone who ever said they will help you turn their back on you when you needed them the most? I thought so. If you're reading this and thinking that I should heal, I am healed but I haven't forgotten what's happened to me. That knowledge is the data I need to use to evaluate current situations and make decisions for the future. That knowledge also helps me to choose who I want in my life because I only want to be around high calibre people, I couldn't give a fuck about anyone who is petty or shallow and has no intentions of changing. On the other hand, people who realise that they have problems and need to change will always get some of my time and attention if they need it because I was one of those people (and I still have loads of problems that I constantly work on).

Shit, I've been writing for long and much more than I usually do. This isn't even 5% of what I wanna say... I've been all over the place in this article as I usually am. Aquiver by Le Youth is playing now. I think I'm just gonna sit and think for the night or just lay in bed and pray. My plan was to do my second assignment tonight but that may have to wait for tomorrow. All week when I've been praying I've just been telling God that he knows what's in my heart and where I am and what I want. I don't even know what words to use but He knows what I mean. I know everything will turn out well in my personal life as it always does, I hope that I get everything I want and more but if I don't I know I'll be fine.

Have an awesome evening and weekend, people! Don't do anything stupid that you will regret in 15 years. Stay warm (well it's kinda warm again already so I guess that advice is pointless). Talk to someone if you feel down and don't ever let anything stop you from being the best version of yourself!