I wanna write but I'm not sure I know what to say. One of my favourite quotes by Jack Kerouac is, "Oneday I will find the right words, and they will be simple". About six years ago I carved this onto the side of one of my bookshelves and then painted the shelf red and black. I love books, I love writing, I love listening to smart people speak.
I'm supposed to be documenting my life daily but I was too drained last night, and I still am now. I've probably slept less than eight hours since Monday. It's Wednesday, 6 May 2020 01:06 AM. I still can't sleep. I started making a video yesterday showing people how to build an eCommerce store without spending lots of money but I had to stop because there are issues with the AWS account I created. The Amazon team is in the process of resolving the issue, thank God. Other than that work was good and nothing exciting happened in my day both yesterday and today.
Right now I don't feel happy, and I don't feel sad. Is this what the kids call "meh"? Everything I need, I have and I have lots of what I want. I can't help but wonder how others feel, people who don't have essentials. I've had nothing before but that was when the world was "normal", I imagine it must be a thousand times worse during a pandemic. I'm laying in bed now. When I started writing this post I was laying on my back as one normally would, now I'm laying perpendicular to that position and my head is hanging off the bed. I'm pretty sure that when I'm done I will be laying upside down with my feet at the top of the bed. My body is restless and my mind is somewhat laden.
I've also noticed that my jaws have been clenched a lot lately. I hope its just a bit of tension and nothing serious. I still have my headaches which I'm almost certain are linked to my eyes, and hopefully not a brain tumor (Google said that it was last year). I wonder how I would handle the situation if I did have a tumor? I would want it gone but I don't know if I would want to risk death. I'm not afraid of death but I'd rather know when its about to happen. Having serious medical conditions must really suck! I've never been admitted to a hospital, not even for a night and I would like to keep it that way. My battery is on 1% and I'm already laying at the botton of the bed. My charger is plugged in behind my bed. I feel wierd now, like just weird I can't explain it. I'm grinding my teeth and I can't stop.
Note: I fell asleep shortly after writing this. There's more that I wanted to say but I'll leave it for another time...